The Journey of ME

 你的一句‘我眼瞎看上你’ 我就知道，我必须放弃你了。 九分喜欢，一分自尊， 九分我给了你，一分我终于留给自己。 我承认， 你是我脑海里的后台播放，却是我不愿意再遇见的人。 消声匿迹， 是我最后的体面， 也是我给你的，不打扰。 很喜欢， 很短暂， 很遗憾。 才终于明白： 爱意随风起，风止意难平。 愿我的喜欢，终有归处。

 我爱冰咖啡， 白天黑夜，晴天雨天， 它陪着我，一年又一年。 像记了我的倔强， 我从不服输，绝不妥协。 但在今天，夏至 我喝了一杯热咖啡 像一条骑着脚踏车的鱼， 不在水里，却在陆地行走 今年夏至 我想，我的叛逆， 在倔强的城墙里， 开出了第一朵小花。

 爱是：  永不假设，永不期待，永不幻想。永远不要高估你在别人的心里第位。爱人要永远先爱己。              熬夜和爱而不得的那个人，都应该放弃了。

 For the longest time, I kept hearing it: “This is your breakthrough year.” “This is your momentum year.” I listened to so many tarot readings, clinging to hope. Waiting. Wondering when life would finally start to move again. But nothing changed — not on the outside. My career didn’t take off. I stayed mostly at home, in my room, feeling stuck, almost invisible. Since 2023, my world became small and silent. It wasn’t just burnout. It was pain. It was trauma — the kind that doesn’t show. I had been bullied in a workplace by people I trusted. That experience broke something inside me. I lost my sense of safety, my confidence, and most painfully… my courage. I stopped going out. I avoided places where I might see them again. Even taking a train back to my hometown became terrifying. My heart raced. I felt like I was going to fall apart. That one-hour-and-thirty-minute journey felt like a lifetime. I kept asking the universe: “Where is my momentum? When will the breakthrough...

I love coffee. One day, I topped up a coffee shop app—only to realize later, it had no delivery service in apps and didn’t offer refunds. Disappointed, I decided to go out and use it. I put on a simple T-shirt, short pants, slippers, and brought a recycle bag— just like I used to... years ago. Years ago, when I was followed. Watched. When gang stalking made me shrink into myself. When I internalized every judgment from ex-colleagues and stopped stepping outside altogether. I stayed locked in. Not just in my room or house— but inside my own guilt and shame. Two years passed like that. Today, I took a breath. I stepped out. I went to a mall I never cared for in the past. But today, it looked new. Exciting. Alive. It had changed— more outlets, more food, more energy. And I felt it too. That spark. Like I was 18 again, arriving in this city to study. Hopeful. Curious. Ready. I bought milk and coffee powder. My heart whispered: “These vegetables look fresh—let's get som...

Lot of people laughed On my last day—when I stepped out of the office. Some creepily took pictures, as if my humiliation was their entertainment. I overheard whispers: “She’s such a big failure.” “Moron.” “Stupid.” “Salary thief.” "Clown in the Company." That was the first time I truly learned what gang bullying in the workplace meant. A naive girl finally opens her pandora box. I learned how words—just words—could pierce the heart like a knife. I learned how "harmless" actions could quietly kill a person inside. They twisted the story, They faked the narrative. They gang-stalked. They secretly took photos, videos in public place. They threw dirty water, tarnished a reputation I worked years to build. And I— I wanted revenge. I also took their pictures, I also recorded. I wanted to hurt them the way they hurt me. I wanted to see them suffer. I wanted to even the score. But… if I did that, I would become one of them. I paused. I cried. I refuse...

I took the LRT on 7 June 2025 to delivered biscuits for my friend.  7 June 2025 was a usual weekend. A big sunny day.  I stepped into the light railway transit station, like I used to be.  It is the very first time since I learned how pain can linger in places, in metal seats and station platforms, in the spaces between strangers’ eyes. There was a time I couldn’t breathe in crowds. A time I traded my presence for invisibility. Grab rides became my world. Tarot became my anchor. Silence became my safest friend. Tear is my dearest lover. But today… I stepped back into the world. No panic. No tight chest. Just a quiet steadiness. I did something completely wild I went to  that  shopping mall. The place I avoided for  years  because I knew they — the people who bullied me, who used to eat there, laugh there, walk around like they owned the air and space. I sat there for lunch with seat next to a big window. For two hours. No hiding. No rushing. No earph...